Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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