it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
