Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He? As in you personified your dick?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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