Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
