my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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