he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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