i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
