Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
