I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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