you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
