Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
