once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
