So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
