i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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