It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
