Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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