peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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