i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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