I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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