So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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