I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
