I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
