those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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