The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
