I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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