apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
