I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
