im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
vagina is talking i cant
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
