I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
tell me about the eggs
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
