What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just high enough for therapy.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize