u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
