At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
