i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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