did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
