And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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