she smelled like a LAN party
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
