My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
