ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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