So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
