so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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