toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize