what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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