i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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