dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
