dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Screwed.edu
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize