textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
