also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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