fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize