i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
