onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
