She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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