The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
What a dumb baby whore.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
