I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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