Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
