Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
