Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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