the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
