I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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