Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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