girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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