How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
