Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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