I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
