I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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