She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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